Many of the most painful and traumatic experiences people have happened in dysfunctional family settings.

People struggle with healthy vulnerability even in church because of neglect at home. Some people struggle to embrace the idea of God’s fatherhood because they had the wrong example of fatherhood. Some struggle to receive love because nurture was absent at home. Others experienced favouritism or unequal treatment among siblings, and it shaped how they perceive brotherhood and sisterhood, so when they hear “brother” and “sister” in the body of Christ, trauma is stirred again.

For every soul experiencing this, there is healing in your heart as you read in Jesus’ name.

Family dynamics can be complex to navigate because, unlike friendships, where you choose people you are most compatible with, family relationships are assigned. However, as a Christian, even when you are stuck with the most difficult and unrepentant people, you must live with love.

Ephesians 6:1-4
New King James Version
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise:

3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”

4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

The Bible speaks to both children and parents because every family role comes with responsibility.

Dysfunction exists in many homes; family dynamics are not always a perfect representation of what Scripture intends. To love regardless of this does not mean you must enable abuse or remain silent when your life is at risk. Some family situations are complicated, but even when parents, siblings, or family members are being difficult, the Bible charges you to respond differently.

What does the Bible ask of you?
Love them with all your heart: There is a Bible story of David and his son Absalom. Absalom led a campaign and rebelled against his father. He incited the people of Israel against David. David had to flee Jerusalem for his own safety. This is akin to what we would call a modern-day coup d’état. After the battle was over, Absalom was killed, and this is David’s response:

2 Samuel 18:33
New King James Version
33 So the king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept; and as he went, he said: “O my son Absalom — my son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you. O Absalom, my son, my son!”

David wept. He mourned his son. This shows the heart of a father who did not stop loving his child even after rebellion. As God’s people who understand God’s design for family, even in the most difficult situations, you must show love.

Loving difficult family members means that you refuse to respond carnally even in the midst of their wrong.
Forgive them when they hurt you: Joseph’s brothers hated him, sold him into slavery, and lied to their father that a wild animal had devoured him. For many years, he moved from slavery to prison, until he eventually rose to power through the wisdom of God. Joseph met his brothers again, and they needed him this time around.

He said:
Genesis 50:20
New King James Version
20 “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.”

His response teaches us several things about forgiveness:
Forgiveness does not deny wrongdoing. It says, “This is wrong, but I let it go”.

Forgiveness releases control and trusts the sovereignty of God: When you are hurt, your mind tells you that they should not go scot-free, and when you cannot punish them physically, you imprison them mentally. God’s people let go because they believe that in the sovereignty of God, all things work together for their good.

Forgiveness hands judgment back to God: The Bible calls God “El Gemuel” in Jeremiah 51:56
New King James Version
56 For the Lord God of recompense, He will surely repay.

Recompense means that God will administer the appropriate response. Your forgiveness is hinged on who God is, not on how you think judgment should look. Trust that God is on the side of eternal love and justice. Love for you and for all, justice for you and for all. God can handle judgment justly.

Matthew 18:32-33
New King James Version
32 Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me.

33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?”

This is you, every time a family member hurts you and you refuse to forgive. No matter how much someone has offended you, Christ has forgiven you more. He expects you to do the same.

“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18). This extends even toward difficult family members. The Apostle Paul speaks as though you have a responsibility to ensure this peace.

Love is not a feeling reserved for agreeable or safe people. Love is a deliberate choice to extend a hand of grace, kindness, and forgiveness, even when it is hard. It is in doing so that we embody the reality of Christ. For the sake of Christ and the love that He has shown us, we love other people, including difficult family members. This is how to live like a true Christian.

Prayer Point
Father, help me love as you do. Let it be evident in my love walk that you have saved and transformed me.