It would not be wrong to say that the majority of people, perhaps including you, enjoy classic romantic movies or novels; after all, they are among the most-watched genres. However, one sad reality is that people begin to take their doctrines and ideologies of love from what Hollywood and the other “woods” portray, rather than from what the One who is love Himself, God, instructs.

When it comes to romantic relationships, from the dating phase into marriage, there is a right way to do it, a way God has instructed us to handle it. From who you date, to how you date, and how you conduct yourself in marriage.

It would be a huge mistake for what dictates your choice in a partner to be the presence of butterflies in your tummy or the way your blush rises when you think of them. Perhaps what you’re waiting for is someone you can lose sleep thinking of, and while that sounds more like insomnia than romance, what does the Bible say?

Now, this is not to completely rule out the place of emotions in a relationship, but there is way more to it than that. While there are several boxes to tick before getting into a relationship with someone, one of the very first things, as a believer, that must be a non-negotiable for you is: “Is this person a believer?” “Do we share the same faith, values, and commitment to Christ?”.

The Bible in 2 Corinthians 6:14 tells us:
II Corinthians 6:14
New King James Version
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

This is an instruction and it is wisdom from scripture, not a form of elitism or judgment. I know he or she might have been your total spec, but a relationship where both partners aren’t surrendered to Christ will face unnecessary spiritual conflict and compromise. It brings up issues due to differences in fervency and devotion to God, and can affect life-changing decisions; all because you both don’t align on such a core belief.

Another thing that can become an issue as a result of, though not exclusively, is sexual purity. In our culture today, engaging in sexual acts while dating is so common and accepted; however, this doesn’t make it right or justify it. Our standard isn’t what is popular or common, but what the Word of God says.

I Thessalonians 4:3-4
New King James Version
3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality;

4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,

The Bible tells us explicitly that our sanctification, our purity and our abstinence from sexual immorality is the will of God! In verse 5 of the same chapter, it says, “not in the passion of lust, like those who do not know God”.

It isn’t a matter of “Everyone is doing it” or “I need to test out the car before buying it”, or “We love each other, so it’s okay”. God is very clear on this subject! Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us to “flee sexual immorality”. God’s design for sex is within the confines of marriage, not with anyone we like or we date.

The Bible is not silent about marriage either. Apostle Paul gives very important instructions to both wives and husbands.

Ephesians 5:22, 25
New King James Version
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her

He used the example of Christ and the church to explain the perspective of marriage we are all to have. In the same way we submit to God, wives are expected to submit to their husbands.

Submission is not an archaic concept or belief; it is a biblical instruction. Without proper understanding, people have taken this text to mean subjugation and oppression. However, when viewed holistically, Apostle Paul also instructs husbands should love their wives like Christ loves the church.

Christ’s love is proactive, sacrificial, and intentional; it is a type of love that causes one to willingly lay down his life. This is how men are called to love their wives. So if a husband loves his wife, even to a measure of how Christ loves the church, it becomes a natural response for the wife to submit to her husband.

Remember, your marriage is a picture of Christ and the church, so mirror it rightly. Treat your spouse with love, respect and compassion. When conflict arises, handle it with wisdom, communicate with kindness, and give grace to each other.  Don’t let divorce be the first door you reach for; marriage is a covenant, not a contract. When things get tough and hard, fight for it, put in the effort.

Never forget, marriage is not a destination; it’s a journey. And if you’re yet to begin this journey, and are in your single phase, use this season to grow. Don’t use all your time to shout “God when”, use it to invest in yourself and prepare for future relationships, all while you wait and trust God’s timing. Don’t rush prematurely into a relationship because of loneliness or cultural pressure. Remember, marriage is not about two halves becoming one, but about two whole people coming together as one.

Let us always be reminded that the Bible is to be our standard of living. Not only our spiritual life, but every aspect of our lives, including the romantic, should be in accordance with scripture. Learn to honour God in your singleness and in your romantic relationships.

Prayer Point
Lord, let Your Word instruct and guide my relationships. I do not rush into the wrong relationships, and I do not take the wrong steps in dating. My marriage will be a reflection of Christ and the church.